Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
