Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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