I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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