I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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