just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
