I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I party with great urgency now.
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