Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This baby is an asshole
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
