The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
