When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize