Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
