he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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