he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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