I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
