so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
