i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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