I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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