Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
