i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
