how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
