New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I AM VODKA MAN
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize