Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize