i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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