Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
