And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
