i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
