Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
