Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
