so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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