I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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