Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
