i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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