alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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