so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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