I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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