yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
