No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
