We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
