So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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