turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
