Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
