I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
