Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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