Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
