Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
