Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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