wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
