I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
