WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
