Screwed.edu
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
