I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
