Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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