drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
