so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
