All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
