haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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