Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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