We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
