He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
