Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
