shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
