How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
