hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
