So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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