While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
