I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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