there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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