I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
